this is depressing; i'm looking at the chart of a specific date within the last three years, when uranus was moving over said asteroid in that person's chart (14 degrees pisces), during that time i was involved in a car accident, uranus exactly opposed my sun and conjoined my north node; well, my life completely changed and i was fed up with the one that i was leading at the time so i was liberated and in a very good sense to a different life that lead to all this turmoil and then to me picking myself up again and the process just recently completed and though i pretty much vowed to remain single, it happens, u meet someone, and it always catches my surprise when i have no intention of going there with anyone!well, turns out that the mars in pisces, interestingly enough, had a life changing event around that date as well.. it involved a car, not an accident but something a bit of a 'if you'd see a celebrity go through it; tabloid frenzy'.. it was not that long after i had my accident.. a few days after, actually.. and they were all the way across the country and now, they're here..
i see all these similarities and all of these awesome things but i don't know what i'll do because this feeling up and down thing isn't working for me and their sun is squaring my uranus and saturn...
i'm trying to figure out when is it worth to pursue something and try to build it and when to let it go because it's not going anywhere or at least appearing to be so?
person said they plan on moving later and that they're not looking for a relationship, i didn't mind, at least told them and myself that i didn't so long as i got what i wanted right then and there and NOW but they have south node in aquarius and this inattentive b.s. is doing me in!!!!!!!!! i don't like it!
i have moon in leo!
i feel like i'm leading myself on when i've already got more than enough on my plate to handle to be trying to take on this person and their plate as well or play the supportive role when i'm for some reason feeling as if i'm not even able to give that support to myself!
person i'm talking about is this: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/209404.html
i'm starting to feel crappy about myself,
i've put on like 3 lbs,
i don't plan to put on anymore but i'm starting to not even feel attractive because of this.
it's like, no matter what i do to reach out to this person, they grab my hand from time to time but then they let go..
that's not a nice feeling, u know?
i feel as if i've already been through this before with somebody else and that person was involved and as far as i'm concerned, this one isn't but just as well because they're reacting the same as if they were involved from their just being so damn emotionally and physically and verbally detached!
i don't know if it's even the reality or if it's my own wounded sh!t i'm responding to and doing it out of habit but i really wanna break out of this and i don't know how!
i've even fallen off of my workout habit involving myself in this and i had just picked it up, too.
something stupid happened last night when i was getting to their house which is that i threw away some trash in their dumpster and freaking threw away some mail in there as well and i don't know how important the mail actually is, but even just reaching out to them about it seemed like a dead end because i got scolded for it instead of anything else and not a word back.
we talked, they told me they're going through their own issues, i could understand, also explained a lot of different things and dubbed it 'generational issues', and i mean, i don't know or care what generation anyone's from, is a fudging phone call too much to ask? seriously.
i feel like i'm going out of my way to make excuses for them when they know they could do more and be more present if they wanted to but just are deciding to take the easy way out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqtTmwM4Btc